Left Lost
by xnightvixenx
Summary: A short one-shot on Severus' thoughts after Hermione leaves him.


Disclaimer: Not mine not mine not mine.  
  
  
  
It was three weeks since she left him today. Three long weeks full of sympathy from people who didn't understand that he wanted to be alone. Three weeks of being forced to attend breakfast, lunch, and dinner by the same stupid people. Three weeks of hoping she'd come back, throw herself into his arms, and say she didn't mean a bit of it.  
  
But that would never happen and Severus knew it. He knew that she wouldn't come back, not now that she had a new boyfriend. And her new boyfriend didn't like him in the least. He'd told her that he didn't want her to have anything to do with Severus.  
  
Because he was far older than her. Because of the atrocities he'd committed. Because of the way he'd tried to keep her to himself.  
  
Everyone knew that Harry Potter hated Severus Snape. It was an unspoken rule that they were nasty and malicious to each other. But when he found out that Severus and Hermione were a couple, Harry had become even more outspoken and vicious towards Severus.  
  
Severus had believed that Hermione loved him. He'd lived without happiness for most of his life, and she taught him how to love once more. She let him make mistakes, all the while patient and understanding. She quickly learned that underneath the omnipresent sneer, he was little more than a lost man wandering the world in search of his place.  
  
Severus loved Hermione, and cherished her more than anything in the world. He could tell her anything and everything, and let her know his deepest fears and most secret longings. He kept nothing from her, and trusted her beyond anything. Hermione didn't do the same. Although she helped him through the dark times, and gave him the support and love he needed, she couldn't bring herself to love him as completely as he loved her. Because she also loved Harry.  
  
It had been a complete shock and an extremely hard blow for Severus when Hermione told him. She flatly told him that she could no longer love him and left. He sat disbelievingly, trying not to break down. Eventually, he had gotten up and gone to bed, but lay awake for many hours, tossing and turning, restless with the pain and grief he was feeling. Was he not good enough for her?  
  
In the next few days, his hatred for Harry had escalated- by a lot. It seemed that every time he saw Hermione, she was with Harry, talking and laughing jovially. Severus distanced himself even more from everyone, if possible. The Hogwarts professors, Albus Dumbledore in particular, noted a change in Severus. Though he didn't often engage in lengthy conversations with them, he was usually polite enough to say hello to them. But after Hermione deserted him, he ignored them. He brushed past their tentative greetings without a backward glance, his face stony and set.  
  
Today marked the third week since Hermione had left him. The third week of self-loathing, hatred for Potter, mourning of his loss.  
  
Severus was already awake, despite the fact that it was only four-fifteen in the morning. He had slept badly again, plagued with nightmares. Tired but knowing he would be unable to go back to sleep, Severus ambled into his bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, he noticed for the first time the dark circles under his eyes and understood just how much he missed Hermione. It had been like a constant stomachache, but he was no stranger to pain and the ways of dealing with it. Looking back at his reflection, he suddenly realized that without Hermione, he felt meaningless. An empty person with nothing to give and nothing deserved.  
  
Nothing to give. Hermione had been his spirit, his joy, his inspiration. Now, without her, he felt lost. She had conquered and left him desolate.  
  
"Without a reason to live." He spoke the words in a cracked, harsh voice. He got up and shuffled over to his private stores of potions made in days long gone. He could remember the joy in watching the swirling patterns of the liquids, the satisfaction when finished with a particularly difficult one.  
  
Picking out a tiny glass vial with a gold stopper and a faded label, Severus paused and looked at it. "To finishing a particularly difficult one." He tipped back the vial and stumbled into his bedroom, his vision becoming hazy. Collapsing onto his bed, the world turned black and Severus lay still, breathing lightly, but never to wake again.  
  
  
  
A/N: So, what do you think was in the vial? It's something we ALL know! Haha. Tell me what you think of the story overall! 


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